The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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