I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
