So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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