I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
