but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
