you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
