It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
