I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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