Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
