Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
