Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you win again, gameday.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
