remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
