My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
