I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
