her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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