He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
