guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
