I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
