Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
