respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
