I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
