I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
