I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
