My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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