how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
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