yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
