I just cut my nipple shaving
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
