God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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