quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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