They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
