I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
