4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
