new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
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I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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