Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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