the condom got lost in my hair
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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