Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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