I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
