Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
