im having a threesome with these popsicles
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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