OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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