he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
