Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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