Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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