left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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