it was like his penis was on wheels.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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