I am in a vortex of obligation.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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