Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
