dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...