Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
