Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
