Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose

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  (262): Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose http://tfl.nu/nksk
  Replies (3) Good night (784) Bad night (1170)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

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  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (40621) Bad night (2291)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey

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  (479): if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey http://tfl.nu/i09e
  Replies (16) Good night (1119) Bad night (2375)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.

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  (847): O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions. http://tfl.nu/w6f3
  Replies (17) Good night (1551) Bad night (3913)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.

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  (575): I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte. http://tfl.nu/ceno
  Replies (24) Good night (4317) Bad night (896)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee

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  (231): We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee http://tfl.nu/m4t7
  Replies (33) Good night (1480) Bad night (4279)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944

  (720): View more from Colorado

  and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate

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  (720): i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944 (720): and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate http://tfl.nu/x2vg
  Replies (15) Good night (5616) Bad night (1191)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...

  (718): View more from New York

  What do herpes have to do with anything?

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  (609): I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico... (718): What do herpes have to do with anything? http://tfl.nu/w2v0
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (1271)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.

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  (571): You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow. http://tfl.nu/1kas
  Replies (5) Good night (1196) Bad night (474)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.

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  (330): Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me. http://tfl.nu/bro7
  Replies (9) Good night (1140) Bad night (438)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.

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  (540): You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you. http://tfl.nu/4u5p
  Replies (6) Good night (2174) Bad night (774)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?

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  (604): you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping? http://tfl.nu/kskl
  Replies (1) Good night (563) Bad night (282)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER

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  (715): THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER http://tfl.nu/jvi1
  Replies (1) Good night (678) Bad night (289)
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  (310): View more from California

  she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving

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  (310): she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving http://tfl.nu/bvaw
  Replies (2) Good night (906) Bad night (295)
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  (415): View more from California

  Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?

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  (415): Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do? http://tfl.nu/y25e
  Replies (4) Good night (207) Bad night (516)

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