Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.