you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Someone stole a lamp last night.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
