Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
