I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
