how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
