you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
