I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
