I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
