I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
