you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Randomize