When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
