My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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