My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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