Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
