I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
