my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
