All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
