I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
