Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
