her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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