He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
