i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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