And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
